Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Syntha: I suppose it’s not awful, but there’s definitely too much going on.
Amanda: That man is on too many covers
Shana: THIS dude, again?
Sarah: He went to the carnival! He needed a selfie.
Shana: Does he hate crystal balls and carny fun? Smile for your selfie, carnival goer, you look angry!
Sneezy: But Shana! How will we know he’s Broody McBrooderson then?
Shana: This cover is so silly I might actually read it.
Tara: OMG, please report back. This cover alone is a rich text.
Elyse: She looks like her Diva Cup got stuck and she’s trying to get it out.
Carrie: Me trying to poop with IBS-C.
Sarah: I can hear my yoga app now. Bound ankle pose. Seated star pose. Bend forward. Feel your lower back release. Ignore the wolf man behind you. Breathe in.
Sneezy: Imagine if this was an actual yoga class though. The teacher just keeps going, and the entire class is screaming and demanding to know why there’s a wolf man in the studio.
From Pam G: Ya know, it would have been so very easy to let your eyes just skate by this mostly monochromatic cover until someone decided to obliterate this guy’s head with the author’s name in a giant font, I mean–all abs, all the time, amirite? And if you failed to get the message, you have all the standing stones(?) rising through the golden mist. Objectification: it’s not just for wimmens anymore!
Sarah: Again, with the “do I see a face in this person’s abs?” quiz.
Tara: I feel like I can’t even snark this one because I’m just seeing all the usability issues that weren’t taken into account with the text.
Sarah: Such as?
Tara: There’s not enough contrast for any of it, so it’s going to be a lot harder for anyone with visual impairments to read. The “Clan Ross of the Hebrides” is by far the worst, because it’s too close to the colours around it. The white text wouldn’t be so bad, except that by putting it over his face, the whole area is too cluttered for the eyes to take it in easily.
Sarah: I didn’t even SEE the hebrides part!
Amanda: Is a “hebride” just a groom? I feel like this is the equivalent to adding “FOR MEN” and changing the color palette to slate gray for skincare items.
Carrie: Why do so many people think armpits are sexy?
Sarah: LOL Another reader has sent me this same cover!
From Lils: He looks like he’s taking off an invisible shirt. Plus, someone’s hands are fused to his sides? And what’s up with his sword?
Sarah: ANOTHER reader sent this cover!
From Elizabeth S: There are demons trapped by his six pack (8pack?). Facing towards his belly button. And pokey nipple. Somehow bad 80’s design style but worse.
Elyse: He looks like he’s trying to scratch between his shoulder blades.
Sneezy: Omg Tara, so much of what you said. Plus with the author’s name in such a stark white, it makes the title feel even more muted and indistinguishable. Also the dude looks like he’s trying to win the Darwin award.
From Cory: This is a prime example of “never judge a book by its cover”, but if I wasn’t already invested in the series and saw this cover, I’d avoid this book like the plague.
To be clear, this book is actually very good.
The cover is atrocious. On the bright side it’s what the characters look like (a jackalope monster man and a femme twink with fading blue hair in a wheelchair). On the downside?
It might be the most painfully horrible book cover I’ve seen.
Sarah: Blink. blink blink.
Are his ears growing out of his trapezius?
Claudia: Something is going on with the blue-hair person’s head too.
Tara: Blink. Blink. Blink. is right.
Then it made me think of that Seinfeld bit about calling ugly babies “breathtaking”. This certainly is that, too.
Carrie: She had me at “jackalope” and sealed the deal with “wheelchair.”
Sneezy: It’s like being haunted by the Ghost of 3D Renderings Past.